I May Hate Myself In the Morning
by Utopia Avius
Summary: The Secret That changed everything between them. Rated M just to be safe. Enjoy :) Also this story was inspired by Lee Ann Womack song ' I may hate my self in the morning. No Flames Please it's my first story .


**-I may hate myself in the morning-**

I picked up the phone and pressed it against my ear with my hands shaking, it's a wonder I didn't drop it.

Not because I was nervous or anything but because, it's just like me to call him up after a couple drinks especially after the games, especially the last one.

~~~flashback~~~~~~~

I and Haymitch meet when I became the escort to Distract 12 for the Hunger Games not partiality a pleasant job, seeing all the children you have grown to care for be slaughtered. I absolutely loath the games they are vile, to see the look on their faces when they are selected they know they are distend for certain death. Its why put on that smile in hope I may comfort them in any way possible. Then there's the mentors job, to advice, to help, to teach.

Naturally we only see each other during this time frame but, something, a little "talk" we had during one in particular game change me, him, us …. Forever.

It started when Katniss Everdeen at the 74th annual Hunger Games Volunteered in the place of her little sister, something no one has ever done before, at least here anyway. The screams of her sister Primrose Everdeen , still haunt me to this very day. Whist they were saying their goodbyes, I look at Haymitch who was drinking himself silly at the moment but, I could tell had a chilled look in his eyes, memories from his game I guessed. I sighed sat beside him then mustering up all the courage I could said, "It's going to be very interesting game this year I suppose". He glared and took another sip "Like any other year" he said looking away from me. "Well, we've never had a volunteer before, she must be confident in herself. " I said looking sheepishly at him "She did it for her sister; no one would volunteer under normal circumstances for that hell hole". To right he was, I know I couldn't but maybe that's just my cowardly heart talking.

Finally we got on the train, I could see Katniss's tear stained face in my mirror the whole time, while they were eating , she jabbed a knife in to the table , and being my uptight self I screamed " That's Mahogany" no one cared. As the argued about survival tactics, I put on my make up, I never really like the stuff, but mother made me where it in public since I was 5 so you get used to it. After all in the capital looks matter a lot. Then we arrived at the capital, I took them to be bathed and groomed to meet Cinna. Then after we took our seats, I could wait to see what genius he had come up with now, but know Cinna , it will be amazing and sure enough he had done it again , The girl on fire the crowed was ecstatic, but then again the always were. After that little performance, we gushed over it till Haymitch saw the District 2 boy looking at us, well her to be more preside, no doubt thinking of ways to kill her.

We had gotten the penthouse suite; they were so surprised when they entered the room. As to be expected considering how to lived back in District 12.

That night after supper came the "talk" more like augment to start out with. "Come on Effie, loosen you corset and live a little" and then "Live a little, that's why your drinking and walking on the ledge of the building, Great! I just thought you were insane, but that explains everything." I said with a hint of sarcasm "Why do you have to uptight and difficult?" I squinted at him "Why are you a drunk?" That was the wrong thing to say I saw it "You know damn well why!" I flinched and remember what happened to his family, then closed my eyes and open them sadly "Haymitch, I'm..."- he cut me off "I don't want nor need you pity, Effie. If you lost everything you held dear after having fought for your life in a death match then you'd be mentally fucked up to!" I felt tears fall on my face a ruin my makeup but I didn't care at that moment; I wanted to help him somehow, in anyway. "I'm sorry, ok, I don't know what that's like, but I do know the pain I feel when I see those children die! When I see the brutally unjustly ended" He sighs "I know" We sit and talk about our lives for hours then he say the one thing that changed it all

"Have you ever been in love, Effie" I was shocked by the question and the intensity in his eyes but I answer honestly "No, I haven't" He smile "I wish I could feel love again but I'm damned to live without it" I looked down then at him and saw the pain in his eyes , his beautiful eye that held back tear each of which contained all the horror and devastation his past held , how I wished I could make it go away if only for a little while. Then with all the courage and passion I had turned to him faced him and felt the softness of his face then placed a kiss on his lips and pulled away then looked in to his eyes. Finally I said "Maybe it doesn't have to be so bad, you don't have to punish you self because of what was not your fault". Afraid of what might happen I started to get up, but he followed me and grabbed my wrist, gently, and pulled me to him and said with a slight smile " Maybe you right for once" then with all the passion and love I had , he kissed me. I loved every moment of it, the caress of his hands, the tenderness of his lips, the smell not of alcohol, but desire. He pulled away a whisper in my ear "My room or yours"

I had never known the touch of a man but I wanted it so bad, so I said "Which ever you want". "My room it is then" he said.

Tomorrow I may feel a little guilty for this, I may hate myself in the morning for having a one night stand, but I'm going to love him tonight.

I could feel his heart beat and he hands slid down my body, never had I thought of this but I tore off my wig to revel my curly copper color hair, my natural hair. He smile and I kept going wiping off my makeup to revel my natural appearance. He looks at me and said "You look beautiful" then started to slowly remove my dress, sliding the straps down my shoulders. Unbuttoning and untying the back of my corset. I undid his pants and unbuttoned his shirt. Finally we were both naked as we slid our hands over each other. He rubbed my breasts till I released a slight moan. I felt his chest nicely built and hard, along with his ripped arms so very strong I thought. He ran his hands down my hips to my thighs , that's when I blush a little , but he notice a smile " shy are we" I smile too , but yes right on the nose , I was shy.

He picked me up and put me on the bed then, began kissing me, touching me, rubbing me. My heart race, I burned for him when he looked at me so lustily and smile and lower to glide his tong over my breasts and nipples, till I started seeing fireworks. He lowered down to my sex and start swirling his tong over my clit and that's when I moan so loud that I thought everyone on the capital could hear me but I didn't care, it felt like heaven on earth. My eyes fluttered then I rose up and said "I want you in said of me" I to his ear, he gave the most passionate smile I ever saw Then he slow and gently put his hard long member in me and I swear time froze, my eyes widened and a mixture of pain and utter pleasure sored though my body. Then he move up and down in a rhythmic motion timed to the beat of our hearts, we looked lost in each other's eyes and at that very instant I could see every aspect of his soul and heart. All his dreams and desires, all his wants and needs I could see then feel them, and I want to be part of them. Then a climax of sheer Ecstasy and Euphoria swirl through my very being. Our hearts and souls tied together and I felt the wall of my sex contract around him he moaned my name then I in a wonderful orgasm screamed "Haymitch..." The last thing I saw other than stars, was those bright gray eyes that I lost my self in to.

I was glowing that next morning, when I woke I was rapped I Haymitch's arms. I never want to leave them… ever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~End of Flashback ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lost in those memoirs, I put down the phone, hung it up a laid down. It's been a month since that night. I guess everyone's has someone that they just can't help but want, and even though we just can't make it work out the want-to lingers on. I wish I could be with him, forever.

I pick up the phone again, this time with more confidence, where ever the hell it came from I don't know but ever scene that night, I feel more confident.

Haymitch picks up " Hello" he sounds sober " Hello ,it's Effie" He sound happy now " Well haven't heard from you In a while how are you" Lie it's me but I can't say that I that I feel lost without him " Fine and you" clearly a lie " Fine, just fine" might as well get on with it " Haymitch , ever sense that night , I feel different I a good way , more free and confident ,but lately I've been thinking more about you" Now metal preparing to be laughed at but instead I hear something different a sob it think " Me to , Effie I've been trying to call but every time I do I chicken out ,there some want to say but I don't know if I should" I get existed and nervous this time out of fear " Whatever it is you can say it" after a moment of Silence I hear three words that I've been dyeing to hear " I love you" I began to cry " Haymitch, I love you too with all my heart and soul" I think I hear him crying " When are you coming back" " tomorrow ,for the victory tour" I can feel him smiling " Till then" he said " Till the" I hang up and sit down

I thought I would hate myself I the morning but Instead I'll love him till the day I die.

-END-


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